Effective change requires insight plus action. Insight without action is passivity. Action without insight is impulsive. Insight plus action leads to clarity and power.
The main aim of Couple Therapy is to increase your awareness of yourself, your partner, and the patterns of relating between you. Therapy becomes effective as you apply this insight to break ineffective interactions and commit to action that will nurture better ones.
Couple Therapy works best when you have more goals for yourself than for your partner.
One of the hardest parts of Couple therapy is accepting that you each will need to improve your response to a problem (how you think about it, feel about it, or what to do about it). Few people want to focus on improving their response. It’s more common to build a strong case for why the other should do the changing…
To this end, your ‘job’ will be to explore your own contribution to the relationship, clarify what is most important to you in terms of the relationship you want and the partner you aspire to be, and each set goals to support this. To do this work requires a commitment of time, effort, and a willingness to step out of your comfort zone (over and over again!) as you try new ways of thinking and doing things. But rest assured, becoming a more effective partner is, without a doubt, the most efficient way to change a relationship!
Your Relationship Investment.
In my experience, it can be a daunting experience to expose our relationship flaws, trusting a complete stranger with our vulnerability. There can be a tendency to get uncomfortable or discouraged early on, and stop therapy prematurely. My belief is that therapy works best when a commitment is made to see the process through. A thorough exploration of your relationship-past, present, and future-sets us up with the insight needed to tailor the strategies of intervention.
Successful therapy is based on insight AND intentional action.
Additional Resources:
Why Couple Therapy isn’t Just for When Things are Going Wrong
Stepping Stones to Intimacy: A Positive Look on Problems